Dr Dave’s declares war on Japan’s avian population

Anybody knows if there’s any specific Japanese law prohibiting the destruction of crows en masse by way of firearms? I was thinking along the line of .44, AK-47 or rocket launcher… but I am willing to submit to local customs and use nunchakus or katana if that’s a requirement.

Actually I think if they keep squawking away like that, I’m gonna go bare hand on these fuckers.

The single thing I hate most about Japan is the omnipresence of these carrion-eating pests. Blame Edgar Allan Poe, blame centuries of unfounded prejudices: I just don’t like crows.
Not content to look like they could probably eat their british mates for breakfast, the Japanese versions are also renowned for thriving absolutely everywhere: countryside and cities alike.

It is not without legitimate fear that the average Hitchcock spectator will cross one of those deserted city parks at sundown, surrounded by hundred of ominous black shadows only waiting for the first sign of weakness to plunge and gouge out eyes with their razor-sharp beak and claws. God, do I miss the shit-dropping, cackling, unhygienic, peace-loving European pigeon. Good old inoffensive flying rats of our Western cities…
Just try to picture yourself in the middle of Piazza San Marco in Venice, except instead of the usual thousands of annoying little pigeons, the whole square is covered by a huge flock of mean-looking crows (incidentally, is it even my fault if you are not supposed to say a “flock of crows”, but a “murder of crows”? isn’t that proof enough that these things are just a public menace that ought to be exterminated?). Now how do you think that would affect Italian tourism?

Well, Tokyo is just like that, wherever you could decently expect to see a small cutie-birdie or some funny seagull, there is one of those large vicious black bird.

Anyway, I usually consider it sufficient to display a cold disdain toward these feathered bastards and I make a point of ignoring their presence when going around, save for a subtle but severe look of reprobation in their general direction, to make it clear that I disapprove the ways of their species.

But this morning, the war is declared.

IF they think their numeric superiority entitles them to exercise their pitifully discordant vocal organs at 4:30 in the morning, right the second I finally managed to laboriously put myself to sleep, they are in for a surprise. They just wait til I find that old baseball bat I got somewhere in my closet, we’ll see if they can shriek as proudly with their neck at a right angle with their body.

Man, I hate crows…


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