aka: an Experiment in Drunken Collaborative Poetry Writing

Most of the haikus produced were lost to the drunken chaos and following day’s hangover, but a few still made it:

味噌汁と
浴衣の女子衆が
アツイ夜

平和な二階
蓮のお茶にして
あ!休憩!

焼酎やビール
ゴルデン街祭り
月曜ツラ!

Yukata night at Gaea During all my years in Kyoto, I carefully avoided writing about my usual haunts for very selfish reasons1There is very little information on Kyoto bars and clubs available on the English web (all your google searches and guidebook reading will yield the same tired 2-3 touristy bars). In this situation, even the most mediocre write-up of a bar on English blogs or media immediately brings a large contingent of out-of-town punters looking for a way to fill their evening after the temples have closed. Nothing personal, but I had rather not seeing my favourite tiny bars suddenly overrun by one-timers at the risk of losing their personality.. I guess now that I no longer have a vested interest in keeping them sparsely attended, I might as well share them with whomever ends up here.

Note: For each entry, I tried linking to Google Map (when a listing existed) or whatever relevant page I could find with directions. For entries missing an address, try copy-pasting the Japanese name into Google Map and keep your eyes peeled for signs (keep in mind Japanese bars are often in the upper stories of non-descript buildings).

Note 2: Despite its relatively active nightlife for a city its size (thanks to a sizable student population), Kyoto is not a metropolis: do not expect crowds on weekdays. Depending on all sorts of factors, practically any place listed below is liable to be empty on any random day.

Gaea, aka Rei’s bar

By far my favourite place in Kyoto for drinks, food or conversation. Set in a traditional machiya that has been tastefully redecorated along the African sensibilities of the previous owner, the result is a low-key, friendly and warm izakaya-style bar where it is impossible to not feel at home. Rei (Kyoto’s Finnish-Japanese answer to Kurt Kobain) welcomes every new customer like an old friend (and indeed, most are or eventually become so). More than a neighbourhood bar, the place is a social club where a large extended family of friends and strangers-soon-to-be-friends meet up for casual chit-chat and regular food/music events (Facebook’s page of the bar is the best way to know about these). A funky Manson family, with less beards and way less gruesome murders.

Because the place is well hidden (better check the map twice), attendance on nights where no special events are taking place is very erratic: you might walk in the middle of some wild impromptu jam party or find yourself in small committee with Rei and the odd regular having a nightcap on their way home. If you do catch Rei on such an off-night, don’t miss the occasion to pick his brain on any item of local interest: the man is a living-yellow-pages of all things bar/music/food/fun-related in Kyoto and surrounding areas (and speaks perfect English).

Beside a few creative cocktails and reasonably-priced beer, the place has a small daily food menu (with more elaborate options available on special events, such as Mami’s infamous afternoon cake café event).

Frontières Sans Nations, aka Philippe’s bar

Another fixture amidst cosmopolitan kyotoites is Philippe’s cozy hole-in-the-wall bar along the canal street of Kiyamachi. With room for a dozen (thin) people at the best of times, it is not unusual to find the place packed on big nights, but generally there is always a spare stool or the edge of a bench for you to squeeze in (not the ideal place for large groups).

On most weeknights however, the atmosphere will tend toward a more intimate mix of Japanese and Foreigners (French/Europeans well represented), both in clientele and style, with a good selection of wines and home-cooked vegetarian dishes available.

Update 2013: Philippe moved to a (slightly) bigger location, still on Kiyamachi, but now south of Shijo.

Kazu bar

Easy to see why the place is so famous among Kyoto semi-underground drinking circles (and the strongly non-overlapping set of people who read the kind of fancy glossy travel magazines that lap up that sort of place): on the 3rd floor of a building tucked in a tiny back alley, no sign (no name), minimally decorated, well-stocked with exotic liquors and only lit with enough candles to ensure you can see as far as your drink on the table…

But despite its typical hipster-traveller appeal, the place is an authentically awesome bar, in no small part thanks to the eponymous Kazu: friendly, outgoing and quite often drunker than everybody else in the bar. Does your local barkeep spontaneously come up carrying enough takoyaki from his favourite nearby store to feed your entire table at 2am? I didn’t think so either.

“How to find it?”, you ask… Err, well, yea… You are probably gonna have to befriend some trendy locals (or ply me with the promise of free Gin&Tonic, on the next occasion I am in town). Failing that, it’s not gonna be an easy search. You can try going toward this place and looking up (good luck, it took me half-a-dozen times learning to get there without getting lost).

Milan’s and ING

When needing a change from intimate moods and underground vibes and looking for a bit more of a shot-bar party atmosphere, Milan’s bar is a pretty reliable choice: comfy middle eastern opium den meets cheesy hip-hop bar… Smoke a shisha, share a few shots with Milan (all drinks ¥500) and who knows where things can go from there.

If no amount of drinking can make you put up with shitty music, ING bar guarantees a much more palatable selection of rock classics (and less classics), with a student crowd and super-friendly staff (owner will gladly take music requests for your favourite bands and might even spontaneously play them again, the next time you show up).

More…

Of course, there are always the classics (those you have already read about a dozen times in every half-assed Kyoto guide): Café Indépendants is a nice place to grab a beer and some tasty food (cheap menu sets available on weekdays), but despite its nifty old-school cantina style, it is more of a place to chill-out on your own or with your own friends, than to meet new people.

A-Bar is the ever-reliable go-to place for travellers looking to socialise… with other travellers mostly (expect to see on average one Lonely Planet guide on each table) or large groups of students that would not fit anywhere else. A little overrated, but the beer is cheap and atmosphere convivial.

Grab a bite…

Too many good food options in Kyoto to even consider listing, but a few places I like in the vicinity of Kiyamachi (where all aforementioned bars are located):

大豊ラーメン [Taihō Ramen]

Hands-down my favourite ramen place in Kansai: cramped, scary-looking and of questionable hygiene standards, as any proper ramen place should be. Serves the fattest, most awesome, black pork-based ramen soup you will ever find (Kyushu style). Stick with the normal version and stay away from the shashū (extra pork) option, unless you fancy eating half a fattened pig with your noodles. Perfect after (or before) a night of clubbing and/or drinking. Located in a tiny alley, off Kiyamachi-dori.

彌光庵 [Mikoan]

The exact opposite of the previous place in every respect: cozy (albeit quite messy in its own way) bar/restaurant that specialises in vegetarian food similar to typical shōjin-ryori, at a fraction of the price (evening menu set for ¥1000). Super-friendly owner and equally friendly in-house cat. Also a good place for an evening tea in a jazzy atmosphere. Place is a bit hard to find (Google map): take a right from the main street and go up to the nondescript door at the end of the (ultra-narrow) alley.

石焼 石庵 [Ishiyaki Ishiori]

More traditional (and pricier) restaurant specialising in meat and fish grilled on a stone (at your table). Cool yet unpretentious setting and good food. Owner lived in San Francisco for many years and speaks fluent English.

Will add a few words about Kyoto’s two surviving nightclubs in a bit. Anyway: due to Kyoto mayor’s successful crackdown on nightlife, there isn’t much to talk about right now.

PS (2014): on my occasional visits back to Kyoto (and while getting a drink at some of the aforementioned locales), I have bumped in quite a few people who ended up there through this post. Which is really awesome. If you end up checking any of the above and like it (or not), do post a comment down here!

Yes, this is still Tokyo, not Rio. But owing to the common history between Japan and Latin American countries, Asakusa yearly festival is more Brazilian carnival than traditional matsuri.

Of course, the entire first row of the public lining the streets is consistently made up of lecherous Ojīsans sporting massive teleobjectives and storing up on pictures of tits and arses for the Winter.

Beside aforementioned well-oiled and feathery naked bodies, are all sorts of samba musicians and other minor costumed troops (it must be hard to be the ones following some of the more peacocky floats, while yourself dressed in glorified rubbish bags). The theme of money (gold bullion, bank safes, credit cards…) seemed a pretty recurrent one: dunno if that’s a carnival tradition or only this year. Special weirdness points to the dancing Takarakuji booth (sponsor?). Finally, kudos to my hazy memory of Japanese classes for getting the (very obvious) 猫に小判 reference: also one of the very few troops that mixed in a bit of cutesy Japanese with the latin style.

Tonight, Anri had invited me to go check out the band of a friend from high school, giving a concert for the release of their second album, so we traipsed to Shibuya at the usual Japanese concert time of 6:30pm.

Opening for them was The Vottones, hailing from (I think) Fukuoka and playing some awesomely old-school punk rock. Having only been told about the main act, whose style is a lot more on the whimsical, not to say downright bubblegum, side of rock, hearing four angry punk rockers insult everything in sight in the dirtiest kansai-ben I had ever heard, was a bit of a surprise… But a good one nonetheless.

Just to give you an idea, their last song had the bassist taking over the vocals after stripping to his pants, at which point the original lead singer apparently decided to play a very special version of hide-the-sausage, with the pointy end of his guitar handle as the sausage… and the butt crack of the unfortunate bassist as the hiding place. After failing to properly impale the guy, he settled for what could possibly be described as a hybrid position: part atomic wedgie, part simulated sex act. All that while both still singing and playing their respective instruments. Punk rock concerts are brilliant.

Don’t think 雨先案内人 (the headliners, whose recent big break was getting one of their track featured as the end credits song of a TV cartoon series) had any misgivings about the somewhat different artistic direction of the Vottones: they were right in the middle of the crowd, moshing with the best of them. In fact, their own between-song banter was entirely spent praising and thanking the opening act. No joke1I ♥ you, Japan.

The tone and energy undeniably went down a few notches with the main act, whose sound signature could be described as the crossing between experimental rock, modern jazz and real-life cartoon soundtrack. In terms of continuity, think Peter, Paul & Mary following a particularly vicious set by the Ramones… Not to say they weren’t energetic and fun in their own way.

Interestingly, A’s friend was both lead singer and the drummer in the band, standing at his drum kit while leading most songs. The girl playing the keyboard had the most indefectible smile throughout the whole set and the third guy played what looked like a very streamlined (and cool looking) version of an electric upright bass, giving the trio a faint air of jazz band, if not for the upbeat lyrics and crazy sound effects.

Kick ass music, good fun and awesome night out in Shibuya…

Yesterday, a necessary bike ride from the confines of Odaiba back to our neighbourhood (10km as the crow flies, 20km in practice, thanks to the freaking Rainbow Bridge being closed to bikes) yielded my first police bike check of the year. To be fair, they stopped me because of the headphones (with a very unconvinced “危ないよ”), but hey, why miss an occasion to check on the vehicle’s papers.

As always in my interactions with the Japanese police, this one was extremely courteous and friendly. In fact, it took a slightly unusual turn when the conversation went from the perfunctory “Where are you from/How long have you been in Japan/日本語はうまいですね” to the slightly more personal “やっぱりヨロッパ、ヨロッパ人はかっこういいですね”…

And then it got weird.

The one young cop not busy checking my bike’s registration number inquired if I was riding back from the local gym. I told him that not, and that the lycra tank top I was rocking was merely in some vain hope of not entirely melting during the one-hour bike ride in the Tokyo Summer. “But you do work out, right? Yea, I could totally tell”…

A new string of gushing (and comically undeserved) comments on my cool European demeanour and style were interrupted by the other cop confirming that everything was in order and I was free to go.

Beside both policemen being roughly my height and weight (and just as unlikely to ever succeed as male strippers), the only thing missing to the softcore gay porn scenario was the boom-tchiki-boom music.

Work discussion with my boss this morning:

– So, for this project, I think we should use the Cox regression model.
– Yes, let’s go with Cox.
– But the dimension of the data means we will need to adjust the model.
– Right, bigger Cox.
– That could work. Or perhaps smaller input.
– How about multiple Cox with wider input?

Don’t let the title on the door fool you: in my head, I am still in Junior High School.

What the hell happened during the time I was away from Tokyo?!?

When did Womb turn into the cheesiest club in town?

Tonight felt like an outtake from the Jersey shore, Japanese edition: never have I seen that many fratboyish western meatheads in one place. The entire club was just one crewcut-sporting, wife-beater-wearing, shot-pounding ocean of steroid.

Yesterday, I exposed a few of my more minor (ha) quibbles with the book Hi, my name is Loco and I am a racist. Today, we crank it up one notch to the things that really irked me:

That stuff about racism (in Japan).

I am a little hesitant to dive into that murky swamp of a topic, especially considering it has already been covered to exhaustion on practically every Japan-related English-speaking blog, resulting in previously mentioned wave of publicity for the book (exhibit A, on your screen).

For all its merits, I just don’t think Loco’s book is very good at addressing the ever-fascinating problem of Japanese racism. I doubt I would do any better, and I am too lazy to even make an articulate summary of my problems with his approach, so I’ll just randomly throw a few items here:

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