But, my, it is already time for… Recipe Monday!

Ok, don’t look in the archives, the Recipe Monday series is not yet an established tradition, merely the first instalment of a tentative culinary concept. And if experience is any indicator, it probably won’t even make it to the second episode, since I’ll likely have all but forgotten about it by then, or found a new cooler concept to toy with.

But as for today, we have decided, here at Dr Dave Logs Inc., to cave in to the increasing pressure of the domestic housewife portion of our readership, who accounts for a hefty 3% of total search referrers to this log. The remaining 97% equally split between those who came looking for “people who dislike la nouvelle vague” (you got that right fellow: enough with the snubby French bastards already), “18 year old lesbian milfs” (mmmn, somebody doesn’t have the concept of milf completely down or need to get out of Kentucky) and, of course, the perennial “japanese schoolgirl panties” (oops, I did it again… sorry fellow Google users: we ain’t got none here, but I hear they do).

Oh yea, the recipe?

Today, we are making Mango Chutney Curry Chicken Salad, otherwise knows as MC³S in serious cooking circles.

MC³S is a deadly weapon: it is as ridiculously easy to make as impressive sounding. In our lab results, Eriko gave it a rating of すごい美味しい (sugoi oishii), which, in the Japanese scale, stands just below “so good I think I just had an orgasm” and somewhat above “projectile-vomiting inducing”.

Ready? Let’s cooking!

1. Take your chicken and cut it in bite-sized portions (if the chicken’s not dead yet, you might want to slam him a few times against the kitchen’s hard-top counter before proceeding).
2. Place your chicken bits in a skillet, along with a crapload of extra virgin olive oil (for those of you on the metric system: a crapload is approximately 1.4 shitload) over a strong fire. Bonus points if you can get the oil to catch on fire, thus giving that very yummy charbroiled flavor. Extra Bonus points if you can put out the fire before the whole kitchen goes down with it.
3. When the chicken is about half ready, lower the temperature and sprinkle with a bit of red curry paste mixed in with a few drops of water. Stir the whole thing energetically for a while (don’t let the curry burn) and put the chicken aside when your arm starts feeling sore.
4. Deglaze with white wine (Brandy, or most other sweet alcohol, should work too, but I would avoid Jägermeister), pour in a few generous spoonfuls of mango chutney while resisting the temptation to eat it directly out of the jar. At this step, feel free to add to the sauce any items lingering in your cupboard that stands reasonable chances not to kill any guests or affect the taste in an excessively negative way. Fresh mangoes or celery can be nice, although definitely not required.
5. While the sauce is cooling a bit, throw together some mixed greens, green onions and maybe one or two of these neat little Japanese cucumbers (cucumbers are notably smaller here, yet as tasty as their westerner counterpart. No, this is not a veiled reference to anything else, you sick mind). Did I mention the washing and chopping parts with the aforementioned ingredients? Too late? Ha, that’ll teach you for next time. Cilandro and/or sweet basil optional.
6. Mix together chicken, mango stuff and a few spoonfuls of mayonaise. If your personal cooking motto is “the more ingredients, the better”, feel free to throw in a bit of yoghurt too (just make sure you do not pick the strawberry or kiwi-flavored kind).
7. Put the chicken (once again, this is your last chance to insure the beast is definitely dead by now) in the salad, toss the whole thing, add as much salt and pepper as it takes to hide any carbonized aftertaste.
8. Serve with rice or Beluga Caviar, depending on the standing of your dinner.

A few notes…

1. For our heterosexual football-playing readers without a dictionary out there, deglazing is just a fancy term for rinsing the skillet with wine or other and scraping the bits of food off the bottom so as to incorporate them to your sauce.
2. While the above recipe has been a staple of traditional Indian food for centuries now, one new ingredient was directly incorporated from the rich Japanese culinary tradition. Will you guess which one? Hint: it’s not corn.
3. If you try this at home, my lawyer insists that, under no circumstances can I be held accountable for any damages sustained by your health, living space or relationship as a result. But feel free to send me praises or suggestions (no hospital bills thanks).