This is an automated post logged on the 05/25/05.
No telling where I’ll be when you are reading these lines. Chances are I’ll be alive and well, provided my surgeon has finally kicked off the bottle. Bah, don’t sweat over my little self: most likely I’m laying in bed, trying to con my way into an extra dose of morphine in my IV drip…
Did you know that, when undergoing surgery, most of the risk usually stem not from the surgery itself, but from anesthesia.
Dosing the poison that will knock you out while a surgeon opens your inside, requires rather intricate calculations involving dozens of variables, weight, medical past, heroin habit, alcohol consumption etc. etc. Neglect one of them and you get acquainted with the laws of physiological chemistry the hard way. Being an anesthesiologist sure must be a fun job.
And if you think that dosing in excess is the worst that can happen to you: there’s a matter open to debate here.
Put it this way: would you rather not wake up, or wake up with a scalpel halfway up your abdomen. I know where I stand there.
Anyway, in such matters, being a pathologically thin boy is never a good idea. To all the overweight people with a complex out there, you can at least find solace in this. Putting some weight on is much harder than you’d be led to think. It can be a pretty daunting task, actually. Of course, there are pills on the market, but personally, I am deeply prejudiced against any pill that does not make me hug strangers or wiggle rhythmically to trippy house music.
The upside of this risk, is that once a surgeon cuts you open, he might as well do some extra work. According to my esteemed physician, provided you don’t crowd a particular area at once, it’s a surgical free for all. Surprised as I was, I did not skip this rare occasion, of course: I told him to go for it. It’s always been my dream to have a prehensile penis.
Otherwise, as you’ll have noticed, I won’t be behind a keyboard for quite a while: hospitals seem to be still lacking on the Wifi, and so will likely be the mediterranean beaches where I’m hoping to enjoy a healthy recovery. I’ll miss you all, I’m sure you’ll miss me. But just in case, I’ve left you a few automated gifts, that should come up on this blog at regular intervals…