Initially, it sounded like an easier and less time-consuming alternative to ordering from the place downstairs.
Category: Quickies
Phone conversation
dr Dave: Hello?
Unknown Feminine Voice: Hello. May I speak to Mr. X?
drD: May I ask who’s calling and the purpose of your call?
UFC: I am calling for an invitation… Is Mr. X there?
drD: Who is asking?
UFC: … on behalf of Acme Inc. I would like to invite Mr. X to a one-time offer with…
drD: Mr. X is not here. He is currently serving time.
UFC: …
UFC: …
drD: FOR HUNTING, STALKING, HACKING TO BITS AND CARVING HIS INITIALS IN THE STILL-BEATING HEART OF THE LAST TELEMARKETER WHO CALLED WHILE HE WAS IN THE SHOWER.
UFC: …
drD: Did it with a rusty phone antenna too.
drD: So who did you say you worked for again?
Fizzing Painkillers
Does effervescent codeine taste like crap or what?
Having to stomach the incredibly bitter aftertaste nearly offsets the pleasure of absorbing pharmaceutical-grade mind-numbing painkillers.
What’s with French meds and bubbles? Can’t they just make them into tiny little pills you swallow, as the rest of the world does?
Must be the Champagne factor…
Top Three
Top 3 reasons I may be gay:
- 3. That guy from prison break.
- 2. Marcello Mastroianni.
- 1. David Bowie circa 1980.
Top 3 reasons I am probably not:
- 3. Uma Thurman & “Charlotte” Johansson.
- 2. Anaïs Nin.
- 1. Hako’s smile.
Cultural cross-over
Upon seeing samosas on offer at the local Chinese deli, one might be tempted to draw hasty conclusions and stick with more typical Szechuan cuisine…
Neighbour’s Deathwish
It’s 1am here and I’m busy grinding an axe; that I shall be shortly using on my neighbour’s door, stereo and cranium. All in no particular order.
He just waits until I find that second hand sound-system. There is a stack of Acid House mixes here, dying to be played at full volume through a couple subwoofers stacked against the wall, facing his apartment.
Canadian Elections
In one particularly brilliant installment of the Daily Show, Jon Stewart sums up the real question on every American mind, following Canada’s recent political turn to the conservative right:
Can we still stitch their flag to our backpacks to get through Europe?
Mailbox Lessons of the Day
Lesson 1
Labeling to your name, a mailbox for which you turn out not to have the key: not a bright idea.
Lesson 2
With a piece of tape and a coat hanger, stealing mail from a mailbox is frighteningly easy.
Little girls love to what???
Am I the one with a sick mind, or would you also do a double take if, opening one of France’s leading newspaper, you glanced upon a headline reading something along the line of “Diddle: Little Girl’s Favorite”?
And just in case you thought it might be yet another unfortunate semantic collision between unrelated words in separate dialects, the article promptly informs you that it is to be pronounced in the English fashion (“dideul”, does it read in French).
And you thought Engrish would end with Japan…
Before I forget…
My two resolutions for 2006:
- Buy 200-page refill for Little Black Notebook of Hate.
- Append to said notebook, names of all those who have started the year wittily announcing: “My resolution for this year is not to take any resolution”.