Although it could probably go lighter on the whole Mission: Impossible antics (unfortunately, it seems you just can’t sell a documentary nowadays if it doesn’t feature endless gratuitous action montages), the scenes it captures are captivating and hard to ignore. Beyond the expected money shot of an expanse of ocean literally red with dolphin blood, the investigative work offers some fascinating insights into the cynical political maneuvering that goes on to ensure the fishing doesn’t stop.

The vast farce that is the International Whaling Commission and a long tradition of Japan’s bribing third world island countries for votes, gets the bashing it deserves: I don’t care what your opinions on the whaling issue are, if you seriously believe in the “scientific whaling” argument, you are very misinformed or a moron.

Casual observers of Japanese modern history do not need to be told of its infamous propensity to always side with industries against public welfare, when environmental or public health scandals strike. Others will probably think that the recount of Minamata disease’s infamous cover-up is exaggerated… After all, while Western countries routinely poison locals in remote third-world countries and get away with it, it is quite a rare thing for a country to let companies do it on its own soil and unfalteringly support them when things go awry (and long after that). Long-time residents will also enjoy the nod to Japan’s sub-par criminal justice system, delight in spotting the usual cast of Japanese administration characters (the blatantly corrupt – yet utterly polite – cop on local business’ payroll, the roboticized bureaucratic talking-head, the government “scientist” spouting pseudo-science etc. etc.), without, unfortunately, escaping the usual trite clichés (is there a single japanese story that cannot be illustrated with a nail and a hammer?).

This documentary is not without its faults and I honestly have my doubt about the efficiency of the “Us vs. Them” brand of activism, when confronted to Japanese culture. But regardless of which side of the Blubber Hamburger / Cute Smiling Cetacean debate you stand on, there are a couple items worth pondering in there.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

The Cove: Japan’s Delicious Dolphin Burger Industry

Guess them all and win a bunch of iTunes coupons for free installs of KanjiBox for iPhone (along with my undying respect for your extensive musical culture).

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Think you know Japanese music?

I wasn’t exactly handed a winning ticket at the Genetic Lottery. As a kid, it would have taken less time to list the parts that did work as they should have. But things got under control and I am generally fine these days (beside that violent twitching on the left side of my face and the regular furball coughing, that is).

However, God personally hates me and wants to make sure I know it. Which is why I belong to the statistically improbable demographic of young people with recurring kidney stone problems despite relatively healthy dietary habits (people in their twenties who barely drink a can of coke a month aren’t supposed to get kidney stones, let alone chronic ones). On a nearly regular basis, about once every two years, I get to enjoy the pain of childbirth, minus naming process and postpartum hormones rush.

On the plus side, with the years, the routine has started to take the edge off (or I am developing a much higher tolerance to pain): when a stone episode strikes, nowadays, I just casually recoil in a fetal position for a couple hours at a time while waiting for it to pass; years ago: I would longingly stare at a kitchen knife while considering my options for self-surgery on the spot.

The other good thing is that I have learned to recognise early symptoms (as well as the time they are likely to occur: mine always happen in Winter, for no reason any specialist has ever been able to explain satisfyingly), which helps preventing me from making bad decisions… such as embarking on a 15 hour trip home to San Francisco from Paris via London (aka: the Story of my First Stone). Testament to the good old pre-911 days: when some security guy at Heathrow noticed the sweaty, grimacing guy waiting for his plane, went and asked “Sir, I must ask you: have you been consuming any drugs?” and got a near-hysterical answer of “No, but if you have any, I’ll take them!” through gritted teeth… he just walked away as he came.

These days, once the chest pain shows up, I would know better than trying to lob it with 2 aspirins and a cup of boiling hot tea purchased on the Eurostar for sole comfort.

Three days into the current episode, I finally went for a consultation at my nearby hospital: a CT scan confirmed the obvious and I was sent on my way with the usual advices and a couple prescription drugs.

Incidentally: I payed ¥5,000 (less than $50) for a full consultation and a CT scan, both of which took a grand total of 40 minutes, from the moment I stepped into my neighbourhood clinic. The actual cost, pre-universal-coverage, was ¥19,000, or about $200 (for that money, a US CT technician won’t even spit on you): dear US readers, aren’t you glad you live in a country gloriously free of such pesky Universal Healthcare and reasonable health costs.

Anyway, all that to say that I am slightly incapacitated at the moment, and lagging on communication (although oddly productive on whatever I manage to put my mind to, in between two bouts of holding my abdomen, wondering if downing a bottle of Draino might help). It will get better and I’ll catch up on email and everything, soon (i.e. anywhere from next week to next year).

That’s it for the immediate personal health update. Everybody with a normally working pair of kidneys and zero interest in the practice of hobbyist medicine at home can (and should) stop reading right now. Trust me, there’s nothing interesting under the fold.

Kidney Stones remedies

Like anybody confronted to their 4th or 5th stone in a decade, I have collected a good deal of empirical knowledge on the issue. It also helped that the first two episodes happened outside of the realm of modern medical medicine: the magic of timing, transatlantic flights and insurrance-less lulls between [proper] jobs in the land of proudly unaffordable healthcare (needless to say: in between years of fully covered, perfect health… try to tell me God doesn’t have it in for me, after that).

Googling and webbing of all stone-related issues tends to yield a mix of obvious, factual and completely moronic/batshit insane advices. With a recurring theme being the product-pushing agenda of the websites giving said advice. In light of this, I figured I would compile a few of my anecdotal findings on the matter, for the sake of the odd Google seeker who may end up here.

Note that:

1. I am not a doctor (unless you count that honorary degree in Love Potion and Curse Healing from Kinshasa’s University of Black Magic). I shouldn’t even have to tell you to consult with a professional, before anything else (frankly, if you hadn’t figured that for yourself, you shouldn’t have the IQ required to operate a computer). Once you have seen a physician, received a diagnostic, commiserating pat on the head, painkiller prescription (and little useful else): feel free to come back here.

2. These aren’t tips to prevent reoccurrence of stones. I’ll let you google/consult for these. Although, they may not always do the trick (take it from somebody who’s been drinking liters of water a day and depriving himself of chocolate for the past few years, and yet is currently contemplating removing the coating from his painkillers to try and snort them for faster absorption).

3. The focus here is on things that will help you deal with pain (and, possibly, but with absolutely no guarantee, help pass the stone faster… on the assumption that not wriggling in pain and spams, helps smooth the descent).

4. Any [already questionable] advice contained here applies only to calcium oxalate crystals (you know, the cool spiky-looking ones that seem designed to tear your insides while clawing their way out). Some might work for other types of stones, but no guarantee here.

That being said, and before going into things that work, let’s start with:

Things that don’t work

Cranberry juice and all other bullshit herbal grandma remedies. Not because they are bullshit herbal grandma remedies with usually zero evidence-based medical results, but because they all apply to a completely unrelated issue. Kidney stones (calcium oxalate ones, that is) aren’t UTI, nor even caused by UTI and rarely have anything to do with UTI. Whatever anecdotal health benefit cranberry juice (and dozens other Flower Power remedies) may have, are entirely geared at UTIs. Drinking cranberry juice while passing a stone has been proved to help, only insofar as drinking any fluid helps. So feel free to replace cranberry juice by gallons of gin&tonic and call it a family remedy: your chances are the same.

Things that work

Water goes without saying. Gallons and gallons of it. All the time, all day long. That stone isn’t gonna carry itself down (that being said, if/when your kidney shows sign of excessive straining on echo or CT scans, lots of water might no longer be a good idea: that’s what your doctor’s advices are for).

Painkillers obviously work. Although if you have tried, you already know that even the strongest painkillers have a very limited effect, in time and in strength. Dosage increases will barely help. And unless you fancy a life of addiction to opiates, they are rarely a good idea. NSAID are the standard fare (also: they are easier to keep on the stomach than opiates, which helps if you aren’t hooked to an IV feed). I have found antispasmodics to be more helpful in the long term (less direct pain relief, but less cramping, which is precisely the point).
Anyway, no real point discussing pharmaceuticals here: you will need a prescription (or a very good dealer), that, again, is what your family doctor is for.

Cannabis. Yep, herbal remedies aren’t completely useless after all. Surprisingly enough, medical cannabis isn’t just a hoax pulled by aging Californian hippies trying to ensure good-quality supplies at cheap price: there’s a reason cancer patients are told to smoke some reefer.
In addition to being a powerful analgesic, cannabinoids have antispasmodic and muscle-relaxant properties, which is precisely what your strained tubes need (less spasm/constriction = less friction = less pain). Trust me (err, I mean: trust my good friend who tried once, officer), it works well. And if it doesn’t, you can always just put on some Bob Marley records and bob your head to it until you forget all your troubles (just kidding).

Of course, were you to choose the weedy path of natural remedies, you should probably avoid living in a country where possession of any drugs (that are not tobacco or alcohol) is a crime on par with killing kittens or having sex with underage schoolgirls (just kidding, of course: the latter is perfectly OK and barely frowned upon by Japanese society, provided you are a well-off middle-aged businessman who doesn’t mind buying them Hello Kitty toys in return).

Which leaves you with:

Heating pads. No joke.
Heating pads (preferably the strong, chemical kind, universally available in Japan, where they are known as ‘kairo’) are a real life-saver. Staying warm is key: keeping one or two strong heating pads over your lower abdomen at all time, greatly helps with the background pain and seems to lower the recurrence of acute pain episodes. During last year’s episode, I was able to be nearly functional for three weeks, including a (very sober) New Year’s Eve party, patiently waiting for my two stones to go down their merry way (or, more exactly: until a very nasty surgical device was inserted to bring them out once it was realised they wouldn’t come out on their own, but that’s beside the point).
If you live in Japan (or another country where these awesome little pads are easily available), go to your nearest pharmacy and buy a few hundreds. If you don’t:

Hot baths are an obvious piece of advice. But just in case you had not noticed yet: dipping into near-boiling water at regular intervals will do miracles to subdue the pain. Just make sure not to get cold chills when you get out.

Things that Might Work

For pain management, the doctor at my local Japanese clinic only prescribed antispasmodics and told me to come back if I needed stronger (which didn’t bother me much, considering how little effect stronger meds usually have anyway).

Along with the antispasmodics, was a prescription for a slightly stranger medication called Urocalun, which turned out to be a rather Japan-specific drug, based on some plant extract (yes: another herbal remedy, but this one comes with somewhat scientific studies attached, rather than your crazy grandmother’s aunt recommendation). Most salient research papers I could find on the topic are in Japanese and only appeared in domestic publications (as is unfortunately typical of a vast amount of Japanese research) where methodologies are, ahem, not always of the highest scientific grade, or sometimes feature downright bizarre ideas (rope jumping as a way to pass stones, anybody?). More importantly, it is not always clear whether Urocalun is only effective as a preventive treatment or can also help during acute episodes.

But at least, there seems to be some scientific basis going for it (which is more than lots of pseudoscientific remedies like homeopathy ever had) and is the first I ever hear of a widely distributed drug treatment for kidney stones (other than palliative, that is). I have the tablets and will be taking them religiously for the next few weeks, we’ll see if it helps.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Kidney Stones: A Beginner’s Guide…

Japanese girl at local bar: Do your prefer Japanese girls or foreign girls?

Dave: Err… huh… dunno… Country doesn’t have much to do with it…

Japanese girl: Aaah, of course… It does not matter…

Dave: Indeed.

[...]

Japanese girl: Ok, so… Which type of girl do you prefer: long straight black hair or blonde with blue eyes?

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

The Art of Subtle Rephrasing

KanjiStory.com is a website geared towards people studying Japanese kanji (and, I guess, to a lesser extent, Chinese… but it probably needs some tuning for that). It provides a simple yet powerful interface for people to write kanji mnemonics in the form of a simple story.

The best way to see what I mean is to go register (10 seconds, one click), read a few stories and finally: take a stab at writing your own. Allowing users to contribute stories is at least 90% of the point of this website at this stage, so please do not just go, check out the dozen sample stories and call it a day without trying the editor.

The current version of the website, although quite spiffy code-wise, needs a huge amount of work to be called a proper beta. And then, there are two million cool features just waiting to be added. However, given my very limited time resources, I figured I would first check to see how much interest (and active participation) in the project I can raise, before committing any more time working on it.

Do not hesitate to post your comments and suggestions below, but keep in mind that this is all very early-stage development and that many new features will come, once (if) this ever takes off the ground as a community project.

As an aside, if you are a reasonably experienced PHP dev with an interest in contributing to this project: get in touch (use the address: “zedrdave” at Google’s mail).

If you want to be kept informed of future KanjiStory-related news, easiest way for now is to sign-up as a fan on the facebook page (until I set up a proper forum and RSS feed on the website).

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Kanji Stories…

Note to Self of Yesterday Night: Maybe not so heavy on the distilled sweet potato juice, next time. Should consider picking a recreational heroin habit instead.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Weekend Patterns

It was… MURDER!

The things you learn, chatting with your elderly neighbours, stark-naked and soaking in boiling hot water…

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Sentō Gossiping

A beach where the sand plays koto with the crashing waves for backup singing, you could be meeting up at the front gate of Kyoto Estación with your icebox, your sun hats, enough ice to build an igloo and bags upon bags of useless 100en beach toys, you could be riding a train small enough to fit in your childhood railway model kit, diving through mountains and popping out along the coast, you could be walking a deserted country trail down to your very own 10 acres of pristine white sand, swimming the warm waters of the Sea of Japan in August, you could be preparing fresh guacamole in the sunset with a piña colada in your hand, you could be barbecuing tandoori chicken in the dark, you could call on to your cro-magnon roots and be the Master of Fire for a night, you could sit around a bonfire, burning your fingers trying to melt marshmallows on chopsticks, you could be laying back on a beach, sand in your hair, skies in your eyes, noticing the Great Starry River for the first time since you started living on an island of neons and streetlights: for every late Summer shooting star you catch out of the corner of your eye, drink your tequila and bite a lemon, if you missed it: drink anyway because it is damn good stuff and made from cactus so it can’t be bad for you, you could start running along the beach, throw your underwear at random and dive headfirst into the sea for midnight skinny dipping, you could light up the sky and wake up the fishes with fireworks until you run out of lighters or energy, whichever comes first, you could be playing poker with a flashlight and a stash of one-yen coin and realise that beachwear makes for very quick rounds of strip poker, you could be falling asleep with the sound of waves crashing at your feet, you could be eating chocolate on bread for breakfast with an aftertaste of salt on your lips, you could be making fresh yakisoba with grilled slices of pumpkin for dessert, you could be spending your day playing in the waves or napping in the shadow, you could be listening to the sand singing under your feet, you could be doing a thousand other things under the sun…

Of course, you could.

Happy birthday to me. Another year of backward aging and waning maturity on the way back to infantile bliss.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

You Could…

KanjiBox for iPhone

By far the best way to spend your Summer while improving your Japanese (whether at the beach or on a crowded Tokyo subway, wedged between two sweaty salarymen). This application works on all iPhone and iPod Touch models (provided they run iPhone OS 3.0) and is entirely offline (doesn’t use any internet connection at all).

More info and screenshots on KanjiBox’s website…

And of course, for our ipod-deprived brethren, there is always KanjiBox for Facebook: free and full of fun multiplayer goodness!

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Study Kanji on your iPhone

This 48 hour stint in Tokyo was much more compact than last week’s but we still managed to fit a couple funandhappythings.

Saturday, Ken and Shizu drove us to Design Festa where we spent the afternoon looking for those elusive two or three pearls of awesome/weird/crazy, usually lost in a sea of homemade flea-market t-shirts and Tokyu Hands-style jewelry (hey, starving art students need to eat too). To be honest, nothing mind-blowing (and not even that much of the usual WTF shock stock that people tend to expect from Design Festa)… but some entertaining live shows:
Dora video played drums while random bits of video samples (including at some point, a strident Japanese CM for toilet air freshener) played in the back. The result sounded at times not quite unlike a Death Metal band, from which you’d remove everyone save for the drummer: loud, energetic and quite funny.
Somewhere on the main stage, three butt-naked guys covered in gold paint and sporting massive fully-erect fake penises (also covered in gold) were executing some sort of butoh-like contemporary dance involving a chain and the music from William Tell overture. Somehow, Design Festa always seem to feature a few naked guys doing strange contemporary dances. Never twice the same guys.
The last act we caught before leaving, Crazy Angel Company wasn’t breaking new grounds, comparatively, but did a nice job of livening the venue a bit with their energetic Japanese-style brass band music and accompanying choreography. They closed with their own rendition of the Soran Bushi, a famous Japanese folk classic with an infectious back-and-forth chorus, of which H. eventually grew very tired, after a weekend of constant humming from my part.

On the way back and after running a couple errands for the following day, we lucked out in grabbing a table at Chacha Yufudachi on a saturday night with no reservation (strange, I know, to be going to a Kyoto-cuisine place while on a trip to Tokyo, but both Chacha branches are among my favourite restaurants in Shinjuku, both for the food and the atmosphere). We capped the night with a few drinks at Albatross’ brand new extension in Golden Gai: in fact, merely the first floor of their previous location, which has been added as a semi-independent branch to the second-floor’s bar. Same familiar faces and friendly crowd as usual, although we unfortunately had to make it home for last train in order to be fresh and rested for the next day.

And next day was awesome, indeed: lovely people, gorgeous groom and bride, delicious food, excellent wine (of course) and charming surroundings… But I won’t bore you with the details of my gorgeous friends’ happiness: after all, if you are of those who care, you were probably there (and if you weren’t, you know where to find much better reports than my own very incomplete remembrances of that wonderful day).

One (short) night and a nozomi ride later, I am back at plotting world domination, one DNA strand at a time… Which reminds me I might finally get to that piece about the why’s and how’s of Bioinformatics this week, if I can escape the tempting embrace of procrastination long enough…

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

東京物語 – Subtitles…

Yes, it doesn’t take a genius to realise that you are better off staying at home during Golden Week and wait until pretty much any of the remaining 51 weeks in the year to take your vacation at half the price and half the crowds.

Unfortunately, things being what they are (and my days off being what they are), Golden Week vacation or no vacation, were my only options.

After securing two extra days to make it an actual week (Golden it may be, but that “week” ends on a Wednesday night), I took a rest from the deadly boring lovely Kansai countryside and headed back for my hometown: Tokyo.

Although I would have been just happy sharing my time between sitting on the grass in Yoyogi and drinking under the bar in Shinjuku, relationship diplomacy dictated that a compromise be found with the traditional holiday activities and a 2-day trip to nearby Choshi was on the program. Considering its proximity to Tokyo (about 2h by train from Tokyo station), Choshi peninsula is a pleasant enough destination for a weekend, provided you do not stay anywhere close to the main city (your usual ugly mix of generic concrete jungle and urban decay that make 99.9% of all Japanese cities in rural areas) and head out for the smaller villages along the coast. Although the sea still wasn’t warm enough for bathing, we kept busy with a couple walks around the coast (cue obligatory lighthouse, seaside temples etc.) as well as inland crossing through countless patches of cabbage (a local specialty, apparently). Among the locales accessed through the picturesque Choshi Dentetsu railway line, Choshi boasts of Inubō, a station whose name literrally means “Woof” (or, in a less vivid translation, “Dog’s Bark”).

Most of Wednesday and Thursday were spent watching rain pouring outside, safely tucked under a warm comforter, only getting up to make a batch of soba crêpes (Galettes, for our friends in Brittany)…

Saturday was Sunset Freedom party in Enoshima and, as expected, was awesome beyond words: sun, blue skies and a small island covered in green… is just what you want as a backdrop to your soulful house beats and live house performances.
It didn’t hurt either that the last set closed to Frankie Knuckles’ ever awesome Whistle Song: an underground classic you would have to be dead not to dance along to. The encore song was an hommage to recently passed away Japanese singer Kiyoshiro Imawano: his famous cover of Daydream Believer, which took a sad undertone in that context. Discussing with friends then made me realise how universally loved Iwamano was: across the entire spectrum of age, fashion and music tastes, everybody seemed deeply touched by his death, despite his relative obscurity from mainstream media and modern pop music…

Sunday was another lovely day in Tokyo and perhaps one of the first truly hot day of the year (meaning warm evening too). We spent the afternoon strolling around Omotessando and Harajuku. Hitting Design Festa gallery along the way, we caught Venom Palette’s exhibit there. You should go check him out before the end of the week: he does cool stuff.
Weeklong holidays were capped by outdoor drinks and nachos at Las Chicas, which definitely doesn’t feel anywhere near as nice as it used to be (talking many years ago, before the whole block was remodelled) but is unfortunately one of the very few places in Tokyo where one can eat and drink while enjoying the evening’s warm breeze (a cookie to anybody with an original recommendation for good outdoor places in Tokyo or Kyoto that isn’t part of the usual bunch).

In other news, I am now back to my peaceful Kyoto countryside, busy working making breakthrough in bioinformatics (following Jon Stewart’s wise advice, I am going directly for the next big thing and focussing on Tanuki Flu)…

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

What’s in a Golden Week

Hanami season is officially on.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Weekend, Kyoto, Sakura…

A delightful half-day excursion into the darkest recesses of Uji’s city hall and its – luckily adjacent – post office, made only more fun by the foreshadowing brought upon by close to five years living in Japan and nearly as many trips to a local city-hall…

First, was the usual cursing-under-my-breath of my parents’ screwed-up sense of humour whimsical inspiration, while trying to explain a frightened counter guy that, really, I could do with only two of my five given names and that anyway, the form would never fit them all. All in vain, of course, as the 500-pages form-validation manual for employees is very clear on that: [all] given names must be filled-in. Unfortunately said manual did not indicate how to deal with printer limitation on field size leading to half the names being left out of the printed version. But it only took another couple breaks of cold sweat and a dozen trips to various superiors to be settled by manual use of a ballpoint pen.

Then, I must be becoming really jaded (or I have done this too many times), but the only question on my mind while filling my slightly unusual (yet technically EU territory) place of birth was not: “will they take it as is” but: “how long before they come back to the counter with their world atlas in hand”.

I was wrong.

The employee who came back 10 minutes later, was carrying Wikipedia printouts. Times, my friend: they’re a-changing.

Incidentally, my current home address, not counting name and apartment number, is:
京都府宇治市五ヵ庄三番割官有地
京都大学国際交流会館おうばく分館.

Do you know how many kanji there are in there?

I do.

After filling out by hand eight different forms requiring my address, I. most. certainly. do.

And for the record: don’t even think of abbreviating 京都大学 to 京大 to save two kanji, because she’ll catch you and make you correct it like the naughty schoolboy that you are.

I just can’t wait to do it all again in six months when I move cities.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Administrative Chores Day

It is only a couple years later that I finally understood what this seasonal indicator actually referred to. The infinitely less enjoyable season of eye-puffing, nostril-irritating, headache-inducing, Japanese hay fever. The main reason behind these infamous surgical masks you see people wearing in every damn last “Nippon culture” TV reports.

However, it wasn’t until I moved to the Kansai countryside last month, that I started experiencing for myself what it might feel like. Apparently, my city-dwelling organism was sufficiently immune to Tokyo’s own brand of pollution-laden pollen to go through Kafunshō season unharmed, but much less happy about living in the middle of the woods. Woods no doubt entirely planted with deadly cypress and cedar.

If you happen to be walking in the hilly area surrounding Kyodai’s research campus in Ōbaku, these days, and spot a gaijin with puffy red eyes on the verge of tears, rest assured it does not [yet] have anything to do with feelings of sadness or elation at living more than 20 minutes away from the closest place selling proper balsamic vinegar or non-ersatz chocolate, it’s just the damn neighbouring conifers trying to copulate with my mucous membranes.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

花粉症

Under a delightful MS-Word Clipart-esque depiction of what your mum’s 60’s medicine cabinet might have looked like, sat an ominous “Urgent Warning” about the evils of (illegal) drugs, in big bold red letters. Promising resident researchers somewhat decreased health and much decreased freedom of movement, should they choose to ignore said warning during their stay in Japan.

The thoughts going through my head were, in that order:

1. “What’s so ‘urgent’ about that warning? drugs are bad? Quick, somebody gets the message to Syd Barrett and Janis Joplin before it’s too late.”
2. “You mean there are drugs within a 300 mile radius from here?”
3. “Wait, what is this note doing in my mailbox. OH MY GOD THEY ARE ONTO ME!!!”
4. “No, seriously, where are the drugs? And how come nobody’s told me anything?”

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Public Health Warning

The three people still reading this blog on a regular basis (two of which possibly paid by the Chinese government after some bizarre translation mix-up convinced them I was a dangerous political dissident to be monitored) might have noticed the lack of substantial news on this blog for quite a long time. OK: even less substantial content than usual.

I also realise that the lack of proper context as to my whereabouts made a lot of past blog entries somewhat puzzling. If this can make you feel any better, I am pretty sure that my own genitors have had only the faintest sense of my exact location, occupation or plans, ever since I was last sighted, putting a finishing touch to my grand World Domination Plot Master Thesis.

In fact, it took all that time for the plan set in motion nearly a year ago to finally reach its final stage (tonight).

After only a few thousand hours of application-writing, test-taking, interviewing, back-and-forth travelling and soul-searching, interspersed with twelve months of sitting idly, waiting for answers, I was finally notified officially tonight that the Japanese Ministry of Research and Education would be happy to finance my many costly vices for the few years to come, while I pretend to apply myself to a PhD in bioinformatics (the lengths I will go to, just so I can legitimately add that ‘dr’ title back to the header of this blog).

Considering my academic background as hobbyist mathematician, occasional computer-scientist and pretend-linguist, my new field of research might come as a surprise to some. And a supreme irony, to the few that know my strong atavistic predispositions (and equally strong will to contrariate) on this path. I will have ample occasions to ramble about bioinformatics here in the future, but to put it in a few words, it is the [new-ish] discipline where math, physics and computer science meet molecular biology and make beautiful futuristic little kids together. It’s fresh, exciting and brimming with promising prospects as only a still-very-naive-and-uncrushed PhD student can see them.

As to why I chose to go there, beside the obvious reason (taking my Nobel Prize chances from zero to three), it all started not so long ago. The final decision was only made halfway through the PhD application process last year, after much hesitation for a career in computational linguistics. Other notable highlights along the tortuous path to PhD adoption: a very uneasy feeling when turning down concrete offers at both Cambridge and Tokyo University in favour of one still hypothetical position in Kyoto.

It all miraculously worked out, though.

As of last month (as a temporary visiting researcher: as of the 1st of April, as an official student), I have joined the venerable University of Kyoto (usually referred to as Kyodai) for three years of fun and research.

Actually, given the fact that Kyodai’s Natural Sciences research campus is located outside the town of Uji, 20 minute south of the already-not-so-huge city of Kyoto: it is mostly work and very little fun at the moment. But that was sort of the plan in coming here rather than busy metropolitan Tokyo and its all-too-alluring flurry of entertainment options.

Life is quiet here (mother of all understatements) and very conducive to productive academic work (urge to rant on my blog aside)… For everything else, yes: it might get a little boring in a while, but we are not there yet.

I will write quantities more about living in the Kyoto countryside, working at the heart of Japan’s academia and other fascinating cultural insights… Until then, feel free to come say hi if you are around…

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Three More Years

It was both rather unexpected and yet blindingly obvious in retrospect: 大君 ['taikun'] was the title used by the Shogun in his relations with foreign dignitaries.

As a funny sidenote: 「君」['kun'], which I believe used to be a term of honour (“Master” etc.) is nowadays mostly used in Japanese to address young schoolboys (come to think of it, exactly as the English word ‘master’). Which would make the literal meaning of 大君 to be “Big boy”… Not quite the most imposing title you could find.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Surprising Etymology of the Day

H.: Hey, I’ve heard that song before, it’s a famous soccer game anthem, innit…

Dave: Yea, funny that… considering it’s probably the gayest song ever recorded…

H.: Ehh?

Dave: The song is inviting young guys to move to sexually liberated San Francisco of the late 70’s in order to live peacefully their gay lifestyle.. The only way it could have been more openly gay is by including the phone number for a few bathhouses in the Castro.

H.: You don’t say? Who sings that song?

Dave: Well, this version is a cover by the Pet Shop Boys who are quite gay, but the original was sung by the Village People…

H. Oh yea, I’ve heard of them!

Dave: And you know they weren’t exactly playing for the ladies themselves, right?

H.: Huh?

Dave: C’mon now… They were nothing if not one long drawn-out joke on gay stereotypes.

H.: Woa… I didn’t know that…

I guess, considering the Japanese’s rather confused approach to western gay iconography, one might easily be forgiven on that one…

Still: gotta love the unintended irony that brings some of the least gay-friendly people on earth to belt out such a song with recurring enthusiasm.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Go East…

Sensei: About your work machine… basically, pick anything you’d like and let me know. You have an unlimited budget.

Dave: …

Sensei: Mmn. Actually… It would be better if you stay under a million yen.

Dave: For one laptop…?

Sensei: Yes.

I wonder if Apple offers a diamond-incrusted version of its latest 17″.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

First day at the lab

1. Replace every ‘ない‘ by ‘へん‘.

2. Don’t say ‘とても‘, ‘ほんとう‘ or ‘ちがう‘, but: ‘めっちゃ‘, ‘ほんま‘ and ‘あかん‘…

3. Throw in loud ‘ほら‘ (with a throaty roll of the ‘r’) at random intervals in your conversation.

I’m totally ready for my move to the countryside.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

分からへんな

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Really need to work on that…

Should you attempt to follow, it will help if you have the same awesome Muji kit handy, but an inventive and resourceful person could do without (none of the ingredients are that hard to find, and the schematics can probably be figured out from scratch with limited engineering skills). Also, this is not a completely faithful translation of the original instructions: I have added a couple personal touches as well as skipped the more obvious advices (be careful with the knife, do not stick your tongue in the oven etc.).

Anyway, off we go:

Ingredients

In the kit:

• cocoa powder（ココアパウダ）: 10g
• cookie mix (クッキーミックス）: 400g
• powdered sugar（粉糖）: 100g

Additionally you’ll need:

• butter (or margarine): 80g
• 2 eggs: 1 full, 1 with white and yolk separated.
• sugar: 150g
• milk: 60ml

Instructions:

1. Melt the butter (by staring intensely at it, using telekinetic powers. failing that: your microwave on 500W).



2. Set aside a large spoonful of it and mix it with the cocoa powder.
3. Mix the rest of the butter with the sugar and whisk until it reaches a noticeably whiter shade.



4. Pour in the cookie mix, milk and full egg and mix the lot. Knead into a dough.



5. Set aside 1/4 of the dough you just made in 4) and mix it with the cocoa paste you made in 2). You now have two balls of dough: one big plain, one small chocolate-flavoured.



6. Spread the dough into a 4mm (not three, not five: four mm) layer. Use rolling pin and flour as you see fit.
7. Let the dough rest for about 20 mins while pre-heating the oven at 170° C
8. Using the conveniently provided schematics (or making up your own), cut out all shapes required by your engineering project and dispose on the oven shelf.



9. Spread a thin layer of egg yolk on each part with a cooking brush. Now is also a good time to carve some patterns (bricks for the walls etc.)



10. Put in the oven: remove after about 13mins, when it reaches a nice biscuit-like consistency.
11. Beat the egg white (use a few drops of lemon juice) and mix it to the powdered sugar: there’s your icing! That thing will glue absolutely anything together.



12. Using the helpfully provided pastry bag and the icing you made in 11), glue all the pieces of your house together.



13. Some more icing for a snowy roof, a little pine tree here, some bushes there…. You’re done.



14. If you are lucky, yours might look half as cool as ours.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Christmas Non-Gingerbread House

For one month, I lived in a house whose mere living room covered about four times the entirety of some of my previous places (ten times, if you count some of the smaller Japanese guesthouse rooms I’ve occupied in a long distant backpacker past).

Rekindled with the joys of the quasi-permanent guestlisting and realised that a VIP booth and free-flowing booze make even the least appealing parties considerably more fun.

Had one of my classiest moments, ever, documented on camera: wearing punk red wig and Bowie-inspired make-up, downing Kettle One straight from the bottle. Retrospectively explained a lot about next day’s crushing hangover.

Realised why California (/the US) was so awesome: nearly everything being illegal therefore provides endless occasions for cheap thrills to the sheltered bourgeois crowd. Walking into a banal SOMA-warehouse-turned-illegal-afterhour-club turns as exciting as entering a prohibition-era speakeasy with Al Capone.

Stuffed myself on the cheapest, bestest Indian food available outside of India on a near-daily basis. And then Suraj’s über-delicious homemade dosas.

Ate at a very hippy restaurant but couldn’t bring myself to actually ask aloud for the “I am Beautiful” dish, nor the “I am Elated”, “I am Joyful” or any of the other mushy, chakra-enhancing, tree-sodomising, touchy-feely-named items on the menu.

Partied on a luxury cruise boat with Sarah Palin and two olympic beach volleyball athletes.

Smoked hookahs on a rooftop overlooking the Embarcadero waterfront.

Spent a night of unrestrained exhilarating fun celebrating Obama’s victory. Those many bar-special “freedom shots” (aka Jameson) with Lauren and Desi: a more discutable choice. That hangover the following morning definitely didn’t taste like freedom.

Did the beer and patio thing with friends at Zeitgeist.

Sat in Dolores Park for a warm, sun-filled, November afternoon. Smoking bowls and eating baked goods from Tartine nearby.

Tried attending the premiere screening of Milk at the Castro theater, only to get turned down at the door once it appeared that way too many entrance passes had been handed out. Found solace in that people who got in before us had probably been queuing for the entire day.

Attended a house party wearing suit & French cuffs, went to a fancy James Bond-themed club event wearing flip-flops.

Visited a Moroccan whorehouse, faithfully reconstructed in our basement.

Balanced all the deliciously greasy egg-n-bacon brunches with healthy and equally delicious foods of all horizons. Had pretty damn good ceviche at La Mar, but even better one at Desi’s Poleng Lounge. Poleng became my favourite eatery in the city (get yourself there right this minute and order their lightly grilled, sea-salt edamame: you’ll never look at edamame the same way ever again).

Missed a flight (fucking iCal and its retarded handling of time zones) and decided to change my travel plans altogether.

Saw the icy blue Water Cube and the fiery red Bird Nest glowing in the chilly night.

Ate spicy bullfrog on the lakefront near Hou Hai, which incidentally tasted just like spicy chicken, only much, much harder to eat with chopsticks (small bones every-freakin-where).

Stood under the lukewarm Winter sun, watching Tien An Men square unfold to near-infinity in every direction under the watchful eye of Mao.

Wondered if China had awakened yet, as giant snappy red flags atop the mausoleum floated in a spotless blue sky.

Played some strange card game with the locals in Tian Tan park. Also that dice game I learned a couple years back in Chengdu.

Totally kawaii-ed out on a bunch of furry Chinese stray cats lounging on the outskirts of the park.

Barely contained my excitement upon speaking my first real sentences in Mandarin since I took that one class last year. Peed my pants upon realising I coud understand and answer up to three generic questions about my country of origin and occupation, to locals who ostensibly did not even know the English word for “China”. Somewhat regained composure when it appeared I could only further extend the conversation with a polite “Sorry, I don’t understand”.

Stumbled upon that plane you rode in when you went to visit your aunt in Africa, 30 years ago… the one with 4 seats on each row and a single-channel radio that you could listen to through headphones that looked like stethoscopes: China Air bought it and uses it daily for their Beijin-Tokyo flight.

Smuggled two pandas (names: ペキン and シャンハイ) to Japan, at the risk of triggering an unprecedented international crisis.

Finally realised some of my (limited) infatuation with japan subconsciously took root in a secret nerdy obsession of mine: intricacies of urban planning and transit optimisation. Just watch how most train connections in japan consist of: walking out one train, across a platform, onto a waiting and immediately departing train… and you will be wondering, as I am, if Japanese public transit planners have somehow figured the secret of NP-completeness problem-solving (Western ones certainly haven’t).

Attended a Japanese burlesque show. Really liked the cool Asian-styled choreography on some of the acts (Japanese schoolgirls doing the dragon walk, for the win). Nearly more so than all the pasty twirling and gravity-defying patriotic C-string (complete with shiny Hinomaru).

Strolled down Todai campus’ alleys: filled with little grandmas way past studying age, busy capturing the essence of bichromic autumn trees (ginkos, I believe) on watercolor. The campus cafeteria also serves a pretty mean agedashi tofu and a whole selection of hallal dishes.

Rode the Tokaido shinkansen on a two-day return trip to Kyoto for the third time in six months and started wondering about frequent riders discounts.

Saw few ducks on the banks of Ducky River, but lots of pigeons.

Wondered how the guy who could barely get his way out of valence calculations ten years ago, ended up standing in front of Kyoto University’s Graduate Scool of Biochemistry and Pharmaceuticals‘ finest, in a bid to join their rank…

Wore suits (for work or for fun) more often in 2 months than in all of the past 2 years.

Did the clubbing and morning ramen thing with friends in Shibuya.

Had one quick drink at Albatross in Omoide Yokochou and a few more in Golden Gai.

Saw photography exhibits and strolled along the river in Meguro.

Spent a day rummaging stores from Kichijoji to Harajuku and from Shibuya to Shinjuku, hunting for christmas gifts.

Came to the conclusion that Russian TV comedy is essentially centered around fat hairy men in cheap drag singing Russian covers of disco classics with funny lyrics.

Bought two bottles of Русский Стандарт and also some of that vodka that makes you go blind if you drink more than one glass at a time: gotta plan for new year’s ahead of time.

Landed in Paris and realised it was the coldest-motherfuckin-freezing place I had been to, so far this year.

…

I am currently lodged firmly under a goose-feather conforter with freshly imported Swiss chocolate at arm’s reach and not planning to move until the end of Winter.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Autumn Summary

Barmaid: [handing a menu-like list of all-time punk records] Please pick anything you would like to hear from that list.

Dave: Huh… let’s see… I don’t know… how about Japanese punk…?

Yi: [showing rather random entry in the list] Hey! that Japanese punk band’s called So-Do-Mu!!! Tee hee hee…

Dave: Yay for Sodomu…

Yi: Tee hee hee…

Dave: [to the barmaid] How about playing some “Sodomu”…

Barmaid: Sure, Right on its way…

[couple minutes of fumbling around the mp3 collection on the computer, then finally the track changes...]

Yi: Hey! that doesn’t sound so bad actually…

Dave: Yea, I’m not sure that part is really their own… Probably an intro of sorts…

[Young japanese guys mumbling things about ongoing music in their corner]

Young Japanese Guy #1: Blahblahblah, right?

Young Japanese Guy #2: Blahblahblah… No, I don’t think so, this must
be Chopin…

Young Japanese Guy #3: Chopin? Mmmnnn… Blahblahblah…

Dave: Actually, that’s Beethoven… Moonlight sonata.

Young Japanese Guy #1: Really? Oh… maybe…

Young Japanese Guy #2: Oh yea! of course…

Young Japanese Guy #3: Definitely Beethoven!

[All three guys: swooning to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata's first movement, Adagio Sostenuto]

Dave: …

Dave: So yea… this is one of Tokyo’s most hardcore punk bar.

Dave: …

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Music Connoisseurs

For example, any Japanese girl knows all too well how to obtain the following cutesy icons:
おんぷ[onpu]　→　♬♩♪♫
ほし[hoshi]　→　☆★

On a more pragmatic note, you can also choose from a very complete set of arrows:
やじるし[yajirushi]　→　↑↓☝⇔ etc.

And one of my personal favourite: european currency symbols that would otherwise take half an hour to find on a standard US keyboard:
ゆーろ[yuro] →　€
ぽんど[pondo] →　£

Another very cool set for your scientific paper-writing needs:
すうがく[suugaku]／えんざん[enzan]　→　√∃∀≠±∇

Not to mention the entire greek alphabet:
あるふぁ[arufa]　α
べーた[be-ta]　β
がんま[ganma]　γ
でるた[deruta]　δ
しぐま[siguma]　σ

etc. etc.

You will find even more of these in this large (albeit probably not exhaustive) list of special character shortcuts.

Post originally published on: Dave's Blog (please leave your comments over there)

Nifty Japanese Input Trick