• I am aching from muscles I didn’t even know existed.
• I was, at one point during this week-end, seen clutching to a rope, trying to get from tree A to tree B, 30 feet above ground.
• I am missing small but meaningful patches of skin and pieces of flesh from a couple spots around my body.
• I woke up earlier than if I had to go work. On both days.
• I swam in a lake that must have been collecting fertilizers from surrounding rural areas for the past 20 years. Judging by its color.
• I didn’t drink a drop of liquor, but absorbed enough Red Bull to start growing a second pair of bovine testicles soon.
• I didn’t see a single stripper.

Why the hell can’t my friends do like everybdy else and celebrate their bachelor party by getting drunk and snorting blow off a hooker’s tits in Las Vegas?