Ask Dr. Dave

What do we blog about when we have nothing interesting to say and we have already posted so many pictures of the cat in the keitai log that we are feeling a bit nauseated ourself?

Why, but we skim our log stats, of course! Digging that endless fodder of cheap entertainment that are search engine referrer keyphrases!

You know what they say about the correlation between the size of a crowd and its collective IQ? Well that should be a good clue as to what to expect from the Web-using community at large.

Let’s have a look, shall we:
[all italicized search strings below taken verbatim from my February server stats]

  • a guide to better living through alcohol. Easy: Pour. Drink. Refill. Go back to step 1.
  • japanese schoolgirl panties: As we already pointed out, you stand better chances over there.
  • padawan definition: isn’t that Klingon for “acneic virgin”?
  • posted by xanax: No. sponsored by Xanax
  • hunting beavers: just bait them with white birch…

  • most luxurious airline: anything we can do to help
  • what the fuck is wrong with girls: my friend, when you find out, please come back and let me know. If while you are at it, you can find out what’s wrong with guys too, that’d be much appreciated.
  • 18 year old lesbian milfs: I sense some confusion on the milf concept here…
  • does drinking too much caffeine make you sweat?: dunno, I only shoot it up.
  • jagermeister translation: “Master Hunter” (and there’s an umlaut on Jäger)
  • seltzer delivery man: here is an idea that could make millions on a saturday morning
  • i hate apple g4 powerbook: me too, but don’t say it too loud, he’s easily irritable.
  • the word filibuster used in a sentence: Mmn, wait… “I will filibuster ass”? No, probably not…
  • blog on xanax (yea, seems like a recurrent theme): always a good idea, helps taking the edge off the Ritalin and stabilize the shaking long enough to type.
  • family fun in taiwan: I’m told it’s best to avoid Taipei’s Historical Heritage Museum of Venereal Diseases. Otherwise, it’s all family fun.
  • what is a scientific experiment: it’s a bit like cooking, except you are not supposed to taste the result at the end.
  • getting laid in shinjuku: try Kabukicho. Don’t forget to bring your credit card and your left hand.
  • major industry sin nunavut: I believe burlesque revues of seals wearing frilly lingerie is about as wild as the sin industry gets, back there in Nunavut.
  • weblog nietzsche (two people came searching for that one): I’m told he is on LiveJournal posing as a 16-year teenager girl writing bad goth poetry.
  • planes for dummies. That one comes broken down in two volumes. Ask for “Takeoff for Dummies” or “Landing for Dummies”
  • how to get fucked up: ever tried bleach?
  • how much is too much caffeine: I guess when the xanax won’t stop the shaking anymore, it’s time to cut-down.
  • come smells like bleach: probably time to stop drinking bleach
  • what to say on a tip jar: “Help us save Ethiopian orphans”?

And we shall leave the last say to one of our most ardent fan out there:

  • site unknowngenius.com must die: couldn’t agree more!

7 comments

  1. Isn’t it amazing the wacky ways people end up at your site? One of my recent favourites was “hair on girls necks”. I’m recently confident I haven’t been blogging about that.

  2. “hair on girls neck”? eww…

    Indeed: logs are an inexhaustible source of entertainment and wonderment.
    But the craziest part is that a lot of these expressions actually do come up (with very different twists, most of the time) in some of my entries… Of course, I left out of this ‘best of’ the hundreds of random search for miscellaneous lewd sexual acts or materials depicting thereof. Topics that have obviously never been addressed on this log (as far as I remember)…

  3. the weirdest i had was ‘things that you can stick up your ass images” … eeewwwww … no idea how that would link to my site !!!

    whenever I mention that there is no fijian porn, I get tons of hits from people looking just for that !!!

  4. I speak bad german… there are two words I do not understand and I know the grammar is incorrect, but this is basically what it means:

    That is the hunter honor sign, that he “beschüßt” and cultivates its wildly, “weidmännisch” hunts how it is appropriate, the creator in the creature honors

Leave a Reply